SOCIAL ANXIETY

Several years ago, I was involved in a study of socially anxious people. Centred around a learning situation, none among them would ever accept that they'd done well, regardless of any good marks. As for those with lesser marks, none could imagine their failure to learn was anyone's fault but their own. Even worse, nothing could change their viewpoint, and if I'm honest, I started to find their negativity almost intransigent.

That I know is completely unfair, but being unfair to the socially anxious is almost a fact of life. I know social anxiety is a medical condition, but I still found myself becoming exasperated, behaving as if these people wouldn't be helped. I can't have helped them. They had to pick up on my exasperation, but in my defence, it is a world of rigid absolutes.

I also know the classic cure is cognitive behavioural therapy, but again, that's too simplistic. Remember the saying, “Even paranoids have real enemies.” Therapy doesn't take place in a vacuum, and attempts at restructuring a person's thoughts aren't going to last as long as he or she is stuck in a hostile environment. Re-framed thought don't help if you stay powerless, and even worse, the therapy risks becoming one more example of personal failure.

If you're by nature shy, or plain, or klutzy, or socially inept, or in any way different, you're going to be victimized by others. That's simply the nature of herd animals, and don't think humans know to behave any better, especially among the young and insecure. Expect to be excluded and rejected, to be chosen last, to be blamed for failing other's expectations, to never have personal power, to never get out from under, and to believe that never can change. Some individuals might be decent. Others will not, and don't expect fairness from packs.

And yet it isn't hopeless. You do have personal power. You see you can write, and who among your oppressors has that degree of skill or creativity? It sets you apart, even above, the pack. Even your trauma enriches your gift, so value it. On the other hand, don't focus exclusively on dystopia. The tone of your writing will set your mood, so include something more positive, especially involving humour, and maybe some stories where tables get turned. Use your writer's trained observation. You almost have a duty to study how people pick at those they can.

Next, you should maybe recognize that those outside writing aren't able to compete in your special area, so their put downs are at least unformed and more likely based in jealousy. Whenever that happens, have the courage to point it out. Force your accusers to confront themselves. It may be they undervalue your writing merely because they can't do it, so hold their feet to the fire.

As for those do write, only accept constructive criticism. You'll know if you're good or not, especially once you've found your best voice. It's not for others to criticize your writing into oblivion. Don't forget there's much in the saying “Follow the money.” If you're being slagged by some other writer or editor, this business is highly competitive and nobbling others is part of the game.

Written with love and I hope it helps.