Kuja And The Midna Twins

Back in the time known as the future, Kuja wonders an open plain, in search for his next target. He pulls out his flier with their descriptions. Reading aloud, Kuja is annoyed at the details and, not to mention, the poor macoroni art for the portraits. "Ugh, this is the last time I get demon info from a freakin' child. Guess that's what I get for kidnapping the little guy. Could've stopped me, but I guess when your kidnapper yells, 'Hey y'all, I'm gonna take this child now, please stop me!' It tends to take the whole crowd off guard. Whatever. What did he at least say about- really? It's written in CRAYON! Not to mention it's PINK! That's like, the worst color! Ugghhhh!" Pinching the bridge of his nose, he finally reads after a long sigh, "Midna Twins. Big scary. Use portals, one's a girl and the other is ugly... I assume he meant guy. Tall... Is he speaking in general or reletively? 'Cause, like, everything is tall when you're as short as that stub. Red hair, brown skin annnnnd they wear overcoats. Well, at least they sound human. I suppose we should start in these woods named Midna Forest... They're probably in here somewhere."

After walking for what seemed like forever, but probably about three minutes, Kuja came across a large Mayan-looking temple. "Huh." Kuja said aloud. "They're probably here. Odd that the village nearby never actually found them. They're, like, really local. Eh, not my problem. At least, not for long." He shrugged before walking up to the first step. Right as the first molocule of his solid, flex-steel boots touched the rocky stair step, the ground rumbled. It was a small one, like one of your siblings just got tossed across a room above you, only this time, it's not accompanied by the screaming of a banshee. A portal openned up and two individuals walked out at the top of the temple stairs. Looking up at them, Kuja made eye contact with ugly. Kuja spoke first, "So, you must be girl," and turned to look at the female, "and you must be ugly." The girl, clearly offended, spoke aloud, "I am NOT ugly! If anything, HE is!" She yelled, jabbing a finger in her brother's direction. "Sis, that's not very nice, and besides, I AM NOT A GIRL!" He screamed at Kuja. "Well the wanted poster says different! It says one of you is girl, and the other one is ugly, so I just assumed based on what I saw." Kuja said, seemingly disinterested in the interaction.

Even more offended, the girl spoke up, "Can't you tell!? I'm the girl!" She announced, holding her hands on her breasts and pulling them up. Scratching his face and looking away, Kuja retorts, "Yeah... Didn't bother to look at that platueo." The girl became silent, jaw agape. The ugly begins to laugh hysterically, "Ooohhh! He just served you a burn platter with a side of burn, extra burn sauce on top!" The girl began patting her breasts, realizing herself that she is indeed, flat. Smirking at the remark, Kuja turns to ugly, "Don't forget, the poster called you ugly." With that, the girl begins to laugh, pointing her finger in her brother's face. "You got called officially ugly! That sucks, pal! If only you got my looks!" She clucked. "We're twins! Which means you're ugly too, just in a slightly uglier boy's body." She looked even more offended, hiding her breasts with her coat and pouting. "Let me see that wanted poster!" The ugly said, holding his hand out. Kuja held it up to him, "This one?" A portal openned in front of him, small and floating just below the hand which held the paper. "Just drop it in." Ugly said. Shrugging, Kuja dropped the paper and it flew down in front of ugly and he caught it without any trouble. "This looks like it was drawn by a child!" He said, looking over the paper. "You don't even get a good reward for catching us! You get a sixty-four pack of crayons for both of our heads!" Ugly complained. "Better than the thirty-two pack I'm working with now." Kuja whined openly, waving his arms in a wide arc. "What child even made this?" Ugly questioned incredulously. "This one." Kuja replied nonchalantly as he pulled a child from behind him. "Unhand me, heathen! Thou shant handle me in this manner a minute longer!" The child squealed, struggling to shake his hand free. Kuja's grip stayed tight on his wrist. "Toss him up here." Ugly said, openning a portal in front of Kuja.

Shrugging, Kuja held the child up in front of him, dangling him at full extension and not shaking in the slightest. "Upon discovering a new perspective, I would much appreciate the guesture if you would change your mind about my previous request. I would much rather not descend into the deep void of a cultish mage conjuration as this! I am to assume it to be of an evi- No! Wait!" The elequent child, who reads thesaurus on his spare time, yelled nervously as Kuja dropped him. He fell through the portal and it closed as soon as his shoulders crossed through, decapitating the small child. Ugly caught his body in his hands, turning his head from the spewing blood. "Ew." He said, and tossed the boy's body down the stairs, watching it tumble all the way down. Kuja watched as it fell until it landed at his feet. "Could've done without that." He said, lightly kicking the child's head so it bounces off of the rest of him. "But he was getting on my nerves, so eh." He shrugged. "Well, let's get this over with. Come at me with all you got, ugly. Flat, I suppose you're next." Kuja taunted. "Let's get one thing straight." Started flat, "My name is Vernice and my brother's name is Alester. What do you call yourself you long, mold hair-colored idiot." "The name's Kuja, but I guess it doesn't matter. I'll be yanking those overcoats off of your dead bodies by the end of the day, you look-alike wannabies. Quick question, though, where did you guys get your coats? They look alot like mine, but the owner died recently, so I can't seem to get a new one." Kuja questioned. Ugly shru-ow! You didn't have to punch me. Fine, I'll call you your actual names. Ahem.

Alester shrugged, "I found it at a tailor shop in the thirteenth universe. Pretty good quality, but the guy didn't want to let me borrow it, so I sent him into the sun." Kuja pouted, "Come on! I liked that guy! Why'd you have to kill him? Ugh. Whatever, lets just get this over with. I'm tired of looking at your faces." Vernice shrugged, "Fine, pal. Your funeral."

A portal appeared next to Kuja and an intense heat came from it. Inside the portal, it was blindingly bright. Another portal appeared below Vernice and she dropped behind Kuja and right-hooked him into the stairs saying, "Sol!" The dust settled and Kuja pulled himself out of the small crater he made with his face and spat out a rock. "Ow. The heck was that?" He said, turning around. Vernice shouted a battle cry and leapt towards him. Catching both of her hands, Kuja noticed Vernice's eyes were shaped like stars. They were cartoonishly yellow and twinkled lightly. He delivered a left jab into her kidney and she choked, spitting a bit of bile onto Kuja's face. "Now it's my turn to say ew. Get off me, flat." Kuja said and sank his foot into Vernice's gut, sending her flying into several trees. Getting caught on the last one, she tried to pull herself out, but was a little stuck. Kuja began to walk towards her, but a portal openned in front of him. He suddenly appeared in front of Alester and took a jab across the face. Reeling from the blow, Kuja retorted with a kick of his own, only to see it come across his own face. He breifly saw stars before Alester tripped him and another portal openned below Kuja. He fell through and appeared twenty feet above the stairs. Landing with a sickening smack, he fell down the stairs. Reaching the bottom, another portal openned and he appeared at the top again, right where he fell before. After falling through the cycle twice more before catching himself. Rolling into the fall, Kuja reeled his foot up. Bringing it down, he axe kicked Alester in the head, planting a nice hair plant in the top of the stairs. Jumping behind him, Kuja brought his foot back and canonballed Alester's family jewels. After inhaling a lump of rocks, Alester's rocks got rocketed off the top of the temple, flipping around until smacking into a tree and tasting groot while sliding down.

Kuja chuckled before another kick hit him in the back of the head. It was not that powerful, like getting slapped by a soggy, rubber glove. He turned around and saw Vernice, who was sporting a few new balloon-popping splinters in her back. "That was kinda pathetic, don't you think?" Kuja said, grabbing the kick that was soaring toward his acorns. He picked up Vernice by her leg and slammed her into the stone on the opposite side of him. After letting out a grunt and eating another serving of fruity pebbles, Vernice felt herself get tossed towards the same place her brother was kicked. Kuja noticed the portals were gone, which meant Alester can't launch portals when hurt. "Must be the glass canon, support-guy. Which means flat is the assault tank, but why was that kick so... Wimpy? It was like being slapped by a soggy, rubber glove. Maybe her power has something to do with stars. She did say something about Sol or something right after that big light portal popped in. I also guess her eyes were stars. Could probably use that to my advantage." He analyzed, touching the back of his spikey green hair. Looking back at it, he noticed it was red. "Well, that's annoying." He said. A small black flame pulsed out of his left eye. "Perhaps level one is required." Looking to his left, Kuja noticed another portal open with a bright blue light that hurt his normal eye. "Ow! Gahdammit!" He yelled, backing away from it and sheilding his eye with his arm. He quickly swung his foot around, connecting with something he didn't initially see. "Siriu-ghak!" Vernice said as she got her teeth remodeled by Kuja's boot. Spiraling from the hit, she caught herself near the edge of the temple. "Guess we're playing king of the hill." Kuja sarcastically remarked. "Quit playing!" Vernice screamed. Her hand glowed slightly and the air around her wavered, showing intense heat. She threw a punch in which Kuja caught. She smirked. Kuja looked confused for a moment then retracted his hand, glancing at the searing burn on his hand. "Jeees-OW! Are you kidding me!?" He yelled before kicking Vernice in the face. She stepped back, but didn't lose her footing. Kuja hopped onto one hand and began to spin, his legs outstretched. Taking several kicks across the face, Vernice tried to back up and gain distance, but Kuja was following her on his hand. He was spinning obnoxiously fast, faster than a beyblade or faster than Joey losing a duel with Kaiba. Yeah, that fast. Finding no way to hit him, Vernice finally jumped back, running down a few stairs. "Ha! Can't get down stairs can yo-" Vernice boasted before taking two boots to the face. She tried to grab Kuja's leg, but it wasn't there. The boots retracted and returned to Kuja's feet. He smirked, "Rocket feet, sucker." Growling, Vernice ran towards Kuja again. Losing her footing, Vernice looked up to see her portal closed and she took a swift kick from Kuja, causing her to go midair like a Lebron James slam dunk.

She flew halfway before being going through a portal and appearing behind Kuja. Catching herself on her feet, she angrily looked over at the woods. "What the hell, Al!?" Just then, another portal openned above her, the other two closing. A blinding light poured down from it, overpowering the sun. Intense heat began to melt the temple, turning it into magma. "That's more like it." Vernice said, smacking her fists together. She rushed forward again, meeting Kuja blow for blow. Catching his fists, and Kuja catching hers'. Her fists began getting faster. As she swung and began to connect her punches, she yelled, "Arcturus!" She finished the devestating combo with a kick to Kuja's midsection, folding him like a Jacob's Ladder link and flying over the stairs. A portal appeared where he was flying and he appeared in front of Vernice, who laid a right hook so hard, the Hulk would've splatterpainted the back of his jorts. Tumbling down the stairs, Kuja laid at the bottom for a minute, unmoving. Getting up on his elbows. "Okay..." He mumbled, spitting out a wad of blood. "Level two it is." He slowly got up and his hands were enveloped in shadows and black fire. Vernice lept off the forbidden cheese-rocks and flew towards Kuja, pulling her fist back. She rocketed it forward, but Kuja caught it with his equal hand. Looking up, he grinned before taking a rocket punch on the opposite side of his face. Flying back, Kuja fired a couple of shadow fireballs toward Vernice. She grabbed them and screamed, shaking her hands back and forth like she just high-fived a live clothes iron. "Hot hot hot! Ow! I though I could absorb it! Normally that's how it works with fire and me." She whined. Kuja chuckled, "Yeah, this isn't natural starfire or anything. A bit different, really. I call it holy-hellfire. Little bit of an oxymoron, but hey, it works."

Vernice grit her teeth. "Just die already." She launched forward, shoving Kuja's hand to the side, barely avoiding another fireball and kicking Kuja's leg out from under him. Kuja, being forced into a split, groaned as a portal appeared below his torso. Vernice's fist came up from it, uppercutting his banana-cherries. Keeling over, Kuja clutched his forbidden berries before taking a kick to his chin. He flew into a few trees, taking an apple off of one. Landing down on the ground, he held his walnuts for a minute. "Low blow, flat... Low blow." Kuja stood. "Level three... Ow." He stood up and the shadow leaked from his shoulders and met up with his hands. "No, you know what? Level nine." He growled and the shadow enveloped his entire body, morphing him into a panther-like creature... With fists. Vernice's eyes widened. "What the actual fu-" She almost said before taking a fist at break-neck speed. A punch so powerful that superman started investing in health insurance. She flew backwards and went through the entire temple.

Coughing up loads of blood that a few vampires know her location now, she weakly stumbled out of the impact she had made. "Okay, Alester..." She mumbled, "Solar society..." Kuja stalked forward before several portals appeared around them, shielding them in unyeilding light. Vernice slowly rose, her body eminating a pure white aura. She spoke with a voice that didn't seem to belong to here, there was a goddess-like voice that encompassed the both of them. "Sol, Sirius, Arcturus, Aldebaran, Antares, Betelguese, Mu Cephi, VV Cephi A, VY Canis Major... Lend me your godlike power and alow me to glow brighter than the shadows that lie upon this beast." The air began to hum and the area around them began to glow, like a sun was being made from the sheer heat from the portals. She warped in front of Kuja, no longer needing portals to move around quickly. Kuja wasn't surprised and began to throw fists. Sun-Goddess Vernice also began to attack, matching Holy-Demon Kuja blow for blow. Their movements too fast to even witness, they fought. The area around them began vibrating with the intensity of their blows, trees shook, animals died of heat stroke and were cooked on the spot, insects exploded from the impacts and Alester persisted. "Come on, sis. He doesn't stand a chance now. Not even he could've guessed that we were the gods of Space and Sun. I haven't even gone my full power, either. I'm even higher up than her, but I'll never let her know that." Alester boasted.

Inside the fire, Kuja was fighting furiously, slowly losing ground in the blazing inferno, too bright for his eyes to take. He was fighting blindly, using his shadow eye to see where Vernice was striking from, giving up on trying to shield the normal one. Inside the shadow panther, Kuja's face was only half concealed. While his skin did not burn, his normal eye had gone blind long ago, incapable of comprehending the intense light. Growing tired of taking punches, Kuja grabbed Vernice and threw her into one of the portals. The throw outmatched the rocketing wind and power of the star and she was thrown to the other side. Alester was feeling high and mighty until his face was replaced with a panther fist. Never getting the chance to prove himself, Alester never transformed and remained a glass canon. After his head being turned into literal ashy pasted on the back of tree, the portals closed. Kuja turned around slowly, hearing gasping, but not breaking his nineth form. He was met with half of Vernice, cut directly below her legs.

Dropping his form finally, Kuja walked over to Vernice's prone form, who was gasping for air. Having her star power cut off, she reverted to her normal form, blood oozing from her back and legs. Kuja crouched right next to her ear and whispered, "And that, is the end of that." He stood up and stomped her skull into the dirt, splattering it like a sledgehammer and watermelon. Kuja then snapped his fingers and two dark energies emerged from their forms and he absorbed them. "Whew." He said, "Good thing I didn't go to my tenth form. That would've used up one of my universal charges... Only got like, five of 'em. Oh well, you live and you learn. Unless you're one of these two." Kuja limped out of the forest and back toward the village that had the bounty. "Time to get those cray- wait..." Kuja said to himself, realizing that the kid he brought was dead and there would be no way he could get his crayons. "Son of a- stupid flat-chested, god wannabe. Sick of these crayons. Whatever." he grumbled to himself, spitting a bit of blood out and looking down at his ruined clothes. "Dangit, how am I going to find a guy who makes coats like mine? Add grey shirts and cargo pants to boot! Ah, at least my flex-steels are okay. Count your blessings, Kuja. Count your blessings..." He sighed and continued walking.