I hate how much I love it

I think of your smile, often. It's disgusting.

I've become one of those revolting people who can't stop talking about their person. I know it's annoying. I know no one cares. But, I can't stop.

Who am I becoming? I used to be smooth. I was the one who never got too deep, the one who casually dated. The one who smiled and flirted with baristas for fun. I used to get messages all the time from random people telling me I'm pretty and I laughed about it. I'd giggle and smile, playing with people like a little game.

Now, I am excited to see a phone call from one person each night. I look forward to it like my eldery grandmother looks forward to my visits. It's pathetic.

And the absolute worst part of it is that I don't even care to stop. Because I like you. I like you too much to even care that it's disgusting and pathetic.

All I care about is that I see your crooked little grin when you laugh. And I hate how much I love it when you do that.