Should I?

I like to say my best friend is my boyfriend but sometimes, I wonder if that's true. See, there's a friend I've had for as long as I can remember. She's been there through thick and thin, building me into who I am. Her name is Victoria, just as mine is but she is the person I wish I never became.

We are almost one and the same. She is my trauma, every moment bseautifully sculpted into my nightmares. I can't run from her or ignore her. The only way I can escape her is to kill her. But how?

I find myself, walking around an edge with her and I hear her sly whispers, "Remember that time you were jumped by those girls in fifth grade?" She sneers. "How helpless you felt because you couldn't defend yourself? Remember when no one believed you except your family?"

I have had enough of her nonsense. Without hesitation, I shove her, over the edge. But the kindness in me won't let her die. I catch her and our eyes meet.

I can see the fear in her eyes, smell the helplessness in her breath. "Don't let go! Please!" She cries, salty tears running down her face. I am too familiar with thise tears. The ones running down my face at 2 in the morning.

I struggle with what to do. If I let her go, I am free of my trauma. If I don't, then I will live for however long with it bearing upon my shoulders. "I have to." And yet, I pull her over the edge, saving her. I'm too much a coward to let go. She's made me who I am, and without her, I'll be nothing.