screaming

i've found loneliness in sunrises, a way of saying "heres to another day i wont be spending by your side."

i've found it in trash bags that take forever to fill because they're only being used on one human beings waste and ive barely moved since you've gone.

i've downed it in coffee mugs and then seen it staring back at me in the emptiness,

i've danced with it slowly on the nights insomnia hands were all i could feel in mine ((note: they felt almost like yours.))

the funny thing, ive come to realize, is sadness looks alot like you in its entirety.

i've also realized i spent so much time drinking up your every detail that i didn't have the chance to even ponder consequences, didn't have an opportunity to imagine how terrible the hangover would be when morning came and it was time to put the bottle down.

you had me entranced in a way i had only ever read about at three a.m. in blog posts written by lonely lovers with abandoned hearts stalled out or running on empty.

i never quite got why they didnt refill the tank but now im pretty damn sure i understand.

you're a whirlwind, to put it lightly; destruction is your destiny.

your heart is surrounded by brick walls shielding you from any contact from the outside world

and its no wonder i felt lonely even with you beside me,

its no wonder i still feel lonely with you gone only i've grown accustomed to it

because even when you were here,

even when your green eyes bored into my blue ones and your gentle touch was all i could feel against mine,

i was overcome with a feeling of complete and utter absence weighing down on me.

you had distanced yourself from me,

and maybe in your head it seemed like a good idea

maybe it seemed like it would hurt less but for who? for you or me?

because youve left me here with loneliness seeping into every crevice of my life,

youve left me here staring at sunrises until my eyes burn,

curling in on myself as if i had built a beautiful home and just moments ago, watched it crumble and i was now coming to terms with the fact i was on my own.

you have left me broken,

and lonely

and screaming in colors nobody can see but me.