Promise me, Death

- I can’t go any longer. I’m too tired. - The girl stopped and let her body fall into the snow with a big thud. The boy ran back to her.

- Look, the town is already there. You only have to walk for a few more minutes. You can do it, I know! - He said with a cheering voice.

The girl lifted her head up. The lights in the town looked like little fireflies gathering in the dark forest.

- You are right, it’s not too far. - She said, dropping her head back on the ground. Her eyes were sad, yet somewhat calm. - But I still can’t make it.

- Come on, don’t be like that. Get up, a few more steps. You know I couldn’t bring you there, so you will have to get yourself together. We have already made it till here, don’t you give up now. - He was still standing right beside her, his gaze shifting between the gate of the town and the girl. His complexion was getting more worried as time went by.

- It’s fine, this is it. I’m okay, I was getting ready for this anyway. - The girl talked, like she hadn’t even heard a word the boy was saying.

- Please, get up. - The boy begged her, but she just smiled.

- It’s fine, it really is, just come here and stay with me…- She sat up and reached out her arms towards the boy. The boy got startled and stepped back to avoid her hands. She dropped them back into her lap.

- Why? - she asked with a wavering voice - Why are you like this? I know pretty well I can’t make it, it’s pointless…

- No...It’s just...you know how it is. I can’t let you. - the boy stuttered anxiously.

- I know. I don’t care. I know I can die. And I know I will. So please, do as I wish and at least stay with me in my last moments. Just...please, don’t leave me alone here… - she sounded desperate, but also determined. She decided it already and nothing could be done against it. The boy was still standing, aimlessly looking around for a while, then he sighed.

- Fine. I will do as you wish from me. - With that he walked up to the closest tree, sat down, leaned his back against it’s trunk and opened his arms.

The girl was surprised he actually did as she asked him to, but she crawled up to the boy quickly before he could change his mind, and let him close his arms around her.

- It’s okay, it’s gonna be fine.

The boy’s gentle voice and his silky fingers he ran through her hair soothed both her body and her soul. She felt like a rock in a calm spring stream, embraced by the water. For moments there was silence between them, like they both only wanted to listen to each other’s heartbeat and the noises of the forest night. Then the girl’s body suddenly moved. She looked up into the boy’s eyes, fear and sorrow mixed together.

- Will it hurt?

The boy felt his throat going sore. He swallowed and steadied his voice.

- Just a little bit. But it’s gonna be okay. I’m here with you. - He felt his tears flowing down on his cheeks. He licked the salty drops before they would have reached the girl’s hair. He placed his soft lips on the girl’s forehead.

- I love you so much. Don’t ever forget that, I love you. - He whispered. The girl’s body trembled. She looked up to him, a stream leading from the corner of her eyes. He wiped down her face with his fingers, then smiled at her through cloudy eyes.

- I love you too. - She said, then grabbed his collars and pulled herself up. The boy noticed what she wanted and leaned closer.

It was their first kiss. They kissed goodbye. And they both knew it.

When their lips parted, the girl slowly sank back into his lap and tugged at his jacket. The boy’s embrace grew tighter than before. Like they both tried to hold onto, to grab each other strong, even though they knew what was coming.

- It’s gonna be okay, just close your eyes and rest. - The boy whispered.

- Promise me…- the girl’s voice was weak. - Promise me you don’t let go. Promise me you won’t.

The boy swallowed.

- I promise...I will try my best. I won’t let you go. You...don’t let me go either.

- ...never… - her voice was faint. He knew she would fall asleep soon.

- Now, don’t think anymore, just sleep darling, sleep well. I’ll be here with you till the end.

- I love you...- He heard her voice again, then he felt her breath calmed down and her body relaxed.

He couldn’t stop his tears anymore.

- I’m sorry. - He whispered, holding the girl as tight as he could.

He was crying out loud, sobbing like a child, blaming himself, fighting with his own conscience.

It was a while when he could finally calm himself a bit and loosened his arms around the girl’s body. He got himself tired out too. He looked up at the town. He saw the lights. They looked like they were moving, getting closer.

‘It’s funny’ - he thought - ‘how people get delusional as they fall asleep. It’s almost like it’s real....’

...

- Oh, poor little soul, she almost froze to death. Wait, is she awake? Dear, can you hear me?

The girl’s mind was still dizzy, but all through the darkness she could hear the voices, like they were coming through a wall. Then the more she could see, the more clearly she could hear and understand the words.

- Ah, how lucky we found you! You could’ve died in this weather outside! But don’t worry now, we will get you to somewhere warm and cozy.

The girl finally realised what was happening. The townspeople found her, she survived. She suddenly jumped up and looked around. The two ladies and the man who helped them got startled.

-What is wrong dear, are you looking for something?

- A boy… - she said - A boy was with me. Did you find a boy?

- A boy? I’m sorry honey, but we only found you here. Could he be somewhere back in the forest? - The woman turned to the man. - Maybe we should send some people out there to take a look around, now that the storm is over.

The girl was devastated. She survived. She had no idea how. But what about him? She was so shocked she couldn’t even cry. She just sat there, in the snow while the women helped her up and got her to the town. They led her into a house and showed her the bathroom. The tub was already filled with hot water. She was alone again. Her tears started flowing involuntarily. As she was taking off her clothes, she unconsciously reached into her pocket to check if there was anything that could fall out. She felt something and took it out. It was a piece of paper, a bit dirty and already folded like a thousand times, but the letters were gathering there neatly in order. “I’m sorry” - As she started reading, she felt her heart will break. But then the more words she was over with, the more she felt somehow at ease.

“I’m sorry,

For not being the Death you wanted to choose, but the Chance and the Hope you deserved.

I’m sorry,

For letting you believe that if we touch you would be the one who got hurt.

I’m sorry,

For promising you I won’t let you go, but finally at the end

I had to be the one who is gone and you are the one that I left.

Even though I know it’s hard and for me this might be the end,

I just wanted to let you know you are someone I will never forget.

I love you from the bottom of my heart and even though just from the shadows

I will always be watching over you, from now and until forever.

The life I gave to you without your permission I ask you dearly to treasure.

That is how I can share my life with you, and we can always be together.”

As she reached the end of the poem, the girl took a big deep breath. She slowly walked into the water, buried her whole body into it, then after she washed down all of her tears, she looked out of the window, up at the sky. She smiled bitterly.

“You see, you were right, the town was not far away, and we are finally here. And why would you say you broke your promise? You actually never let me go. So I won’t break mine, and I won’t let you go either. We will live. You will live, in me. I will live with the life you gave me. With you. Together. Forever.”