the mess under the bed

I think that I have the perfect analogy from my childhood that describes my mind exactly.

When I was younger I had this friend. She had the same first name me so I will call her by her name, Cadence. I never wanted to clean my room. One day I wanted to hang out with my friend Cadence, but my mother wanted me to clean my room. We begged her to let my friend come over. She agreed on one condition. That my friend and I clean my room while we hang out. Of course, we agreed to the terms, and my friend Cadence came over.

When I say that my room was a mess, I mean my room was a MESS. Cadence and I both knew that it would take hours to clean, and we just wanted to play. My friend devised a plan that was simply genius.

She started to stuff everything under my bed. Clothes, toys, trash, it all went under. I picked up odd things and made sure nothing was showing. Once we decided that it look alright I went to fetch my mother. She came in and praised us for what a wonderful job we did. From the outside, my room looked perfect, but I knew that it was really a horrific mess.

This scenario perfectly describes my mind. On the outside, I look put together, calm, kind. But only I know that on the inside, my life is a mess. I struggle every day. It is exhausting to get up and function like any normal human being. My mind is just the mess that gets pushed under a young child's bed.