dancing with death

i wear my noose like a necklace

like a cross hanging ’round my neck

or the silver flower on a silver chain that my grandmother passed down to me.

i wear my noose like a necklace

it’s proudly on display because my

depression is what defines me and

even though it’ll be the end of me it’s also

my friend.

it’s that one friend that you don’t realize is an enemy until it’s too late.

it’s the voice that says “you’re allowed to feel sad” and then

keeps telling you that even when you

shouldn’t feel this way.

it’s the hand at your throat

caressing and

always preparing to tighten

slowly

gently

so lovingly you almost wouldn’t realize it.

my noose was handcrafted lovingly and it

thrives off of me and i

thrive off of it.

i wear my noose like a necklace because

when the ground is swept out from under me

it’ll be the only thing holding me up

even if it kills me in the process.