I become the villain?

I didn’t know I was becoming one, untill things went to far.

I had been listening to the songs, while singing in my car.

“Her husband’s acting different and it smells like infidelity ”

“I would’ve noticed a gold wedding band, Diane”

“I’ll go to heaven or I’ll go to hell

Before I’ll see you with someone else”

Belting out the tunes, as if they actully hurt me.

Pouring all my drama into songs that didn’t effect me.

I smiled as I got out my car.

Locked it as I went up his drive way.

We had been seeing each other a year now, today was our annivery,

I thought I would surpise him.

It was the weekend, he didn’t work, I usally did, but this weekend I took it off, just to see him.

My smile grew as I knocked on his door, I had made an real effort;

his favouit blue dress of mine,

my hair in plates like he likes,

and flats just to make him feel taller.

The door opened and

it was like I was looking in the mirror.

She had the same copper hair,

about the same height,

dressed all in blue, just like he would like.

Confused we looked at each other. The songs had been right.

I never notice his gold wedding band, but hers was there, glinting in the sunlight.

I swalled deep, unsure of what to say,

She stared at me, unsure of who I was.

I stared back, unsure of who I was.

“HI” she smiled weakly taking in the scene.

“Hi” I answered back, finding the courage to ask. “is Tim in?”

She opened the door a little wider, “just through in the living room”

gestering with her arm.

I stepped over the thresh hold, like so many times before,

I already knew the way to the living room,

and I think she already knew that I knew that.

However, know ones knows what happens behind closed doors,

I felt empty as I left the house

Unlocking the car as I walked down his drive way.

Turnning off the CD as I turned on the engine.

We had been seeing each other a year now, today was our annivery,

I walked away that day, away from him, away from his wife,

I don’t know if she followed me.

The whole thing still keeps me up at night.

I use to wonder how did people not know, how could they miss the signs,

but there was no signs, no acting differently, no inferdelity, not towards me,

yet I still feel like the bad guy,

yet I still feel like a villian,

yet I still lay awake at night wondering if I’ll go to heaven or if I’ll go to hell for being that someone else.