no words
crumpled paper, the edges long gone
mind sloshing over with ideas but none of them coherent
none of them words to be understood
most time i am locked within my mind and the silver slivers of thoughts splatter on the page like spilled ink
but the rest of me stays inside because i cant get it out i cant put it in words
i dont have the key for the cage i have made for myself
and every time i try nothing comes out i cant picture my own thoughts, cant write them down because i cant catch them,
and it should be easy, easy to catch something that is behind bars but is it my thoughts or me behind bars i dont know anymore and i cant see i cant find the words to express it because there are none no words no words no words and im searching and searching but there are still no words no words im trapped in my own mind my own mind games my own mind plays me like a harp every time and my fingers are smudged and darkened by lead but wash the lead away and the darkness is still there consuming me becoming me and i write faster and faster and in english class i wonder if just maybe, just maybe if that essay means nothing if im writing it with all the flowery words and the punctuation because i cant really find any other words if i am hiding in a shell of a person maybe i can cover it with those flower petal words because if i am a flower i do not have a stem and i am offering everything i have my petals my seeds my roots my pollen i have nothing left but my thoughts that still enslave me inside of this mind this prison and if i were to run i would find i have nowhere to go because every time i try to walk away my vision goes dark and i cannot see there is nothing holding me back yet everything keeping me in and i grasp for something to hold onto but i am down the rabbit hole and i am not as lucky as alice was because in real life in the real rabbit hole there arent any household appliances to grasp to slow the fall and even when i hit the ground no matter how bruised and bloodied i am the floor opens up and swallows me again and i cant yell for help or say "how curious" because i dont have the words there are no words no words no words no words no words no words no words and the slightest noise that may escape my paling lips is not even a coherent thought just another drop in the river lethe another thing i wont ever remember and when i slam into the ground i am not as lucky as alice no i am on deaths doorstep i am pale and bruised and bloody and nobody helps because nobody hears because nobody hears my words because there are no words no words no words and there are still no words no words no words and i fall to the gound and i am not as lucky as alice and there are no drink me potions and the doors are too small but really there are no doors but they still remain as stubborn as ever and i am not as lucky as alice my tears do not lift me to a backwards island they just rise higher and higher and i am holding my breath in a salty ocean and my head hits the ceiling and i go under just as the water disappears and drops you again on the ground and i get ready for more because this is all i know and there are no words no words no words no words no words and i suffocate in my thoughts because they cannot be realeased because there are no words no words no words
no words