lessons learned

A soulmate can be a lot of things. Everyone has a slightly different meaning when they say the word.

To me, a soulmate is a person who you know somewhere deep down in your soul, that they are meant to be something more to you than other people. Sometimes, that means they will be your best friend. Other times, they will be your lover. Or your spouse. And sometimes, they are more to you because they are sent as a lesson for you to learn.

I had a soulmate. He was beautiful and kind and sweet. When we met, there was this instanteous connection between us. It was unlike any bond I'd had with another person. I understood him and he understood me. But, he was not my friend or my lover or my spouse. He was a lesson for me to learn.

Some people don't get a sweet soulmate that stays by their side forever. Some of us get a soulmate who lives within us forever, but seperately in every other way.

For me, I can still feel echoes of his prescence. I'll hear a stupid joke that would make him laugh and I can feel him beside me in that moment. Or my dad does something horrible, and as the tears slide down my cheeks, I feel his gentle hands on my shoulders, comforting me.

He was an angel. He showed me such kindness in a time where I didn't get it anywhere else. But, he also showed me that I am enough for me.

My lesson to learn: You don't need anyone or anything to be enough.

My soulmate, he taught me that. In all his kindness, he also took my joy. We fought all the time. We'd argue and scream horrible things at each other. And sometimes, he made me feel small.

The thing was, I couldn't walk away from him. I loved him so much. I thought that love meant to never leave. But sometimes, love means loving someone enough to let go.

We were no good for each other. And I knew it, but I thought I was nothing without him. Until I learned that I could stand on my own, we continued to struggle and fight.

And when I finally realized that I was enough, it was over between us.

It's odd. I was so incredibly sad when it happened. I yearned for him, for that bond between us. But, because of that brokenness that I experienced from him, I healed in a way that I didn't realize I needed to.

I'll always be grateful for my soulmate because he taught me how strong I am. He taught me that I am enough.