interview

I don't want to go. I really don't.

I feel suffocated in my own inability to relax. I don't want to go to some office and try and convince strangers that their company is worth working for when in reality I just need to pay my bills. It's a pandemic and I've been out of work for nearly a year. A lot of people are in my shoes, so what seperates me from them?

Anxiety?

Fear of failing?

Fear of being bullied by management?

Actual incompetency?

What am I even doing? I'm not even qualified for this position. I'm trying to use my theatre degree and pretend that I'm a real adult with experience and skills but all I can see are my shortcomings. I've botched two interviews already. I don't think I can handle this anymore.

My last job has made me more nervous. I panic more. I'm afraid I'm doing something wrong and will get yelled at. I'm afraid of not being good enough.

That's always the fear.