and I learned
You left me one dreary morning.
Everything’s still a haze.
I was breathing in a colosseum
with no doors and no windows,
and I could hear the footsteps of soldiers
coming from miles away.
No weapons in my hands
I was defeated before they came.
And I had four walls on my sides,
mountain high
and nowhere to escape
and so I cried,
day and night,
and my tears watered vines and they
grew up along those walls.
I clung to them, my last chance,
and I broke free before they could get to me.
I wandered the desert, the nights grew cold,
and you had taken my coat.
So I hugged myself to keep me warm and the days piled up.
Found a little creek and drank from it,
stopped to rest until my feet were no longer sore.
And there, a snake came by,
told me I would die
and I would be all alone.
So I had to fight, took my hands and strangled my doubt.
But the snake took a bite and I felt the poison spread
up my veins and I could almost hear you calling my name.
I found a rock and I made it sharp.
With the strength you lacked I cut off my hand.
I used my shirt to tie my wound.
By the time I stopped bleeding,
I had lost a little part of myself,
but when the sun came up
I knew then it was done.
And so I kept on.
And I had four dreams in those nights,
fever high,
and freedom at the tip of my tongue.
And I would cry,
I would scream and fight,
cursed you for leaving me alone and I,
I found a road in the shimmering sun.
And I took my time walking down those lines,
hoping they would take me to a new home
So I, I found a place, barely standing,
and I stayed there two nights but it still felt empty.
I tended my wounds and stitched my scars.
I washed my face and cleansed my body off your touch.
And I looked in the mirror, into those two eyes
that looked so much like yours but had seen way more,
and I took a breath, barely holding a scream,
realized all I had was me.
And so I picked up my pride
and let the tears flow,
they watered the garden I now feed from.
And I slept, tossed in the night.
I knew then I wouldn’t die.
The alternative was live with a few wounds to treat.
And I took it shamelessly.
Because you left me alone,
I had to fend for my own,
and they judge but don’t know
the hell I’ve been throug.
I escaped men with swords
when they had planes and boats,
I lived through the snake bite
and I died a little inside,
but I was alright.
And I spent two years alone
healing on my own.
No one to rush me, no one to judge me
And I learned
I learned.
_________
hello! i've been from a writing hiatus (only free writing, still working fully on my novel), but this piece came like a regurgitated string of words from my chest and i really like it, so here it is. if you're going through a rough time, hang in there. things get better.
thank you so much for reading
-goldenmel