april 22, DO NOT TOUCH and ​BROKEN

almost end to end to end to end

with quiet whispers of things to come

and things to close, behind

wooden doors with scratches on the frames

and behind yellowing curtains of

words words words, hanging in neat rows from

the tops of ceilings spun with worth and painted with

crashing waves upon your skull

it is heavy, a heavy heavy heavy weight

upon your shoulders of a question of

'is it pride of heart or not'

'wanting to let these people down?'

it is a heavy, a heavy heavy heavy weight

in your stomach at the thought of saying

i am not yet enough to say these things to you

it is a heavy, a heavy heavy heavy weight

in your throat of a burning fire aching its way up and down your

spine, your cracked and broken spine of things you

don't want to say, for reasons you felt so strongly for

it is a vehement 'no' at the thought of giving up

and the thought of throwing in the towel,

to say that you have limits--it is not healthy,

you hear, to ignore the limits you have--but it

feels so much like betrayal to say you've had enough,

that you can do no more

and so you are stuck in a circle, a spinning winding shape of

cracking broken spines twisting their ways up

your throat and through your mouth until you

spit the bones out, one, one, one at a time

like a dispensing machine gone wrong, with cogs

whirring idly in your ribcage and no coins going in or out,

but you have no idea how to fix a machine like this,

a machine so broken that its very secrets are doled out freely and without

care to the world beyond, such a cruel, cruel, cruel people of a world beyond

and you are gone gone gone to be repaired, with

signs of DO NOT TOUCH and BROKEN plastered on your sides,

written up and down in long huge letters you can't seem

to wash away or ignore, no matter

how hard you seem to try,

and so you sit

you sit

you sit

you sit, alone and think

you sit, alone and thinking and wonder what

the answer is to the question:

'is it pride of heart or is it not'

' wanting to let these people down?'

and you wonder if that is even the question you should be

asking