Long in the tooth male doth recount, reflect, reimagine... his woebegone damn dental daze today May 5th, 2021

No particular rhyme nor reason

garden variety indentured flunky (me)

revisits his salmagundi salad days,

when oral blight smote

left front adult tooth,

which hellacious quandary commenced

when yours truly experienced

broken said central incisor.

Inxs of cold playing air

froze natural pond, where over head

Canadian geese (imitating

black counting crows) did blare

honking the latest goose sip loud and clear

when from behind a Georgian bush

(color of smashing pumpkins) did peek a deer

alert to any danger by parking

upright either one or both ear

lest predator doth lurk and induce fear,

while Harris Family and friends

oblivious among themselves

attired in wintry gear

which protection from cold

caused difficulty to hear

necessitating cupped gloved hands

to punctuate every muffled word

to be but barely heard akin to talking

with mouth full of custard

above the quiet riotous mirth

from this then gawky child nerd

precariously maintaining balance

on his skates heed glide like a bird

such attempts made

this boy didst appear quite absurd

ah, if only this mind of mine

did two step quick think

but woe misfortune awaited

across the bumpy natural rink

blithely jettisoning myself hither

and yon like a rolling stone going plink

unaware while in camouflage pose

disguised as one sneaky slippery fink

that snuck up in a blink

that found me squarely

face down shattering left front tooth

immediately discovered via

tongue as private sleuth

finding me in extreme agitated state forsooth

as if on fire from red hot chili peppers

wrought from jagged booth

winning sympathy from parents,

who did level best to tend distraught

son who ushered playback of events

with less disastrous rerun praying for an angel

to grant reverse outcome brought

none gut wrenching grief

immediately terminated former fun

damaged irreversible and

perfect white smile forever broke.

So much of my precious existence since

found me rooted with mouth ajar

as sigh asper the dentin-cementum

so mud dear reader (with dem perfect

enameled pearly whites), aye har bar

envy for those with a complete set

of eight incisors, four cuspids (i.e. canines),

eight bicuspids, and twelve molars

(including four wisdom teeth) tabulating

many hours in the car

(engendering saddle sore bony tuckus)

plus regarding chunk whereat,

pernicious cementum funk

viz distraught psyche,

when muss self as a lil monk

key decades after being examined

by family dentist Doctor Marcus (NOT WELBY),

excellent practitioner (button irate pulp pill

people, especially children) hater –

the grinchy, grouchy, and grumpy,

whose private practice located

in Levittown, Pennsylvania,

and when prepubescent self underwent

pertinent more explicit focused

intense noninvasive procedures

asper subsequent cause of speech impediment

determined why air didst jump

thru nostrils, (speech therapist

at Henry Kline Boyer),

neither thin nor plump informed parents

of Lancaster Cleft Palate Clinic –

fifty plus miles one direction),

where chief prosthodontist (the curt

Doctor Mohammad N. Mazaheri, DDS, an Iranian

whose expert reputation,

sans strict manner didst trump

his aura, karma evincing clipped commands

forceful as a vocal whump

before launching into meat and potatoes

of crux comprising real aim

constituting modus operandi

(and cresting away from details indirectly tide

into main intent, nobody aye blame)

for thine dental debacle quandary

(managed by gumpshun,

whereby eons hyperbolically

toted beyond google),

and despite optimistic stance

wool worth anesthetized numb skull claim

nascent malocclusion faintly affecting,

hinting, pointing toward Periodontitis

(despite diligence attending

to oral hygiene frame)

the manifestation of major looming crisis

compromising, forgoing, instigating,

et cetera loss of teeth,

this (after agony in league

with separate occasions

twice wearing braces, concomitant extractions

of wisdom and removal of crowdsourcing –

close up toward the front of mouth teeth -

game some microbial bacterial

agent provocateurs didst maim

self-acceptance, and (found thyself

as a boyish twenty something

weathering onset of gum recession,

maxillofacial surgery, impressions,

x rays galore, scaling)

necessitated (score years later) urgent intervention

i.e. treatment plan under auspices

re storied name University of Pennsylvania Dental School

to mitigate malady

entailed every last tooth plucked with ease

since no other recourse could tame

accompanying jaw bone loss,

which destabilized rootless choppers,

and despite the state of the mind turning to pulp

(this haint no “fiction, nor FAKE)

thus I acknowledge sincere gratitude

vis a vis thru poetic aire

for the entire fleet of dental students,

and staff that didst care,

who assuaged distress,

exceeding the best expertise flair

which eventually warranted

being fitted for dentures here

bringing an exemplary end result

encompassing yours truly writing in his lair

after about a dozen years encompassing

so many wing (bitten) angels far and near

across webbed wide world to help repair

chronic distress minimized now, cuz there

prevailed the most blessed delight when Medicare

picked up the tab now smile more willingly

with artificial dental wear donning blitz end until

mine last mortal year.