Not Hungry

I am not hungry. Why do I eat? Why not? Food is the answer. I eat when I am happy, sad, alone, discouraged. When I am down, at least there is the pleasure of food, my drug of choice. And is it not a drug? It sustains me, lifts me up momentarily, until I come crashing down in desperate need of it again. I want it even when I do not need it. The weight of it adds up. I am fat. Alone. Unloved...except by food. My drug of choice. Food comforts me until it can't anymore. Until I am so low that nothing matters anymore. Then, nothing matters. There is nothing. I am nothing. Not even food seems necessary. No drug can fix the hole in my heart.

#nothungry #drugofchoice #foodisadrug #depression