beyond the boundaries of my own will.

kissing.

making out. 

sex.

it’s what is expected in a relationship. 

but what if i don’t want that?

what if i’m ok with 

just being around you,

with you?

i know that that’s how

some people show love,

but can't i just

love you in my own way?

but you wouldn’t be happy with that,

would you?

you want something that i don’t want.

you want something that i cannot give you. 

a freak.

not normal.

unloveable.

you think that’s what am i, don’t you?

i agree;

i am all of that.

and i couldn’t hate myself  

more for that.

i don’t want to be like this.

i want to give you want you want,

i want to love you the way you want me to,

but i can’t.

i’m sorry.