Miracles...redefined

So I reread Paper Towns by John Green for like the third time, which is actually not the number of times to reread the book for someone like me who thinks John Green the greatest-author-of-all-time (in my opinion and yh that's right, it's not the Bronte sisters or Jane Austen or Shakespeare just 'cause he wrote in the 15-1600s on brown paper in boring illegible fonts or I'm just an idiotic romantic sucker-for-love fool who dislikes him because Romeo and Juliet both died. And because I can barely understand new English talkless of old English. I shall stand ho talking anon so I ang'r not anyone 'r blaspheme (I hope the translator I used for this worked right https://lingojam.com/EnglishtoShakespearean)

See extract:

The way I figure it, everyone gets a miracle. Like, I will probably never be struck by lightning, or win a Nobel Prize, or become the dictator of a small nation in the Pacific Islands, or contract terminal ear cancer, or spontaneously combust.

If you actually read the book, there's more to this. It also says if we combine all these things that have never happened to us, at least one of them will actually end up happening. But I choose not to go that way as I have chosen a better, more therapeutic way.

From this I think it's obvious it's time we start to redefine a word. 'Miracles.'

The way I see it, a miracle is not just one big good thing that happens to us. A miracle is one small or big bad thing that has never happened to us and will most probably never happen. So I'm starting a list and I hope more people join me in a challenge I plan to create after finishing this potential garbage I'm writing.

So here goes....

1. I will never spontaneously combust.

2. I have never dated a serial killer.

3. I will never die at the age of 15 (it's impossible)

4. I have never been called weak (trust me, this is a big miracle seeing as I have been called many other things that I am and many more things that I'm not)

5. .....

I guess one miracle that I have that actually follows the normal rules of miracles is that I will never finish a list in one sitting (if you have, that list most probably doesn't have all it should contain and you have either 1. forgotten one vital ingredient until after you have finished shopping and gone back to your house 2. not truly fulfilled everything you want to 3. when all is said and done, always felt like something was still missing)

And now, I think I should really stop writing before I start spilling more garbage than I already am. But I really do hope y'all join me.