Goodbye Hope

I am writing to someone in the present because I don't have the courage to say what I need to face to face....

My heart breaks piece by piece daily yet I continue to run to you every time you call my name. You told me you wanted a connection with substance, that is what we have. The calm in the air when we are together. The side glances that we pretend not to notice and the smirks we give each other across the room. You beg me to stay then tell me you do not want to be together. You say things like "I miss you", "I love the way you feel next to me", and "I when will I see you again.?"

I don't want to be your entertainment when your bored anymore. I don't want to be your comfort when your having lonely nights or your release when you need sexual healing. I deserve to be loved the way I love you. Your excuse is you have issues, well guess what dude, we all have fucking issues. You didn't have to pretend and lie about what you expected out of us for as long as you have.

I have invested my heart in you. I felt a connection with you that I haven't felt with anyone and I feel you do too or you wouldn't still be around. You would't be so hesitant and afraid to jump with me. I know I will never say this to your face due to fear of losing you completely but I am tired of hurting and crying over you. This is my goodbye letter to us ever being together. No more hoping, pleading, and chasing you for your love. I will heal and find someone who truly enjoys me, all of me.