30 June 2021

I should start this by saying "Good Morning" but seeing that it is the middle of the night where I am writing this I won't say anything. This is just one long row of thoughts, no meaning required, if y'all want to read this ok if you don't I don't care.

I see a lot of furniture everywhere in this house. Beds, desks, tables and chairs, cupboards and drawers and lots more. Dunno, couches, some ugly armchairs and lots more. Thinking that I am at my last highschool year doesn't make me anxious but it does. Does because I have such a perfectionistic sense laying inside of me but also a hell of a lazy personality. I want to have flawless grades this year, no idea why, the thought of challenging myself made me do it, and I mean I really want to do it but am currently spinning between these two things, the plan to do it and the laziness to not do it. Wish me luck.

Back to furniture. I see lots of furniture. Seeing them makes me want to use them. And, so, I do it. Then my mind starts banging my head wanting a reason. Most of my actions lack reason. I start doing them only to enjoy that stuff. People want reasons for anything I do, mother asks me what the heck am I doing, why am I staying and waiting for her to exit her room when I could basically call her and ask her what I want, enter her room, but I say I didn't feel like it.

Speaking of mother, she is one hell of a woman. Too smart for me to fool, too dumb to understand some remarks I make but too smart for me to think I'm smarter than her. And you should see her brothers. One of them I don't really care about, he is smart too, but the last one is too smart. He's got a lot of knowledge about basically any subject, he is a great planner, chess player, poet and writer. His wife is really dumb but she is really lovely and wholesome.

Hehe 4th paragraph. Now that I'm writing this I wonder how much will I keep doing this. I am sure, want to defeat this, but still am fairly certain that I will get bored, abandon but come back to it.

OK, I am bored now, see ya later writing and eventual reader.