I can’t remember.

My teachers ,

they say I am lazy .

Truth is ,

I just can't seem to remember anything .

Homework .

What had been taught .

I'm at a loss here .

Please hear me out .

I'm not doing this on purpose .

Why would I want to do this .

To myself .

Just why .

It doesn't even cross my mind .

I don't forget things on purpose .

Nor can I explain why I forgot in the first place .

But know ,

this affects me more than you see .

Sometimes I forget to eat .

Sometimes I forget about sleep .

It just doesn't cross my mind .

Not once .

Not twice .

Not anytime .

I actually write on this little whiteboard of mine ,

What time I am supposed to eat .

When I should go to sleep .

Little everyday things a normal person does without question .

I write them on this board in hopes I'd remember .

It doesn't work .

The words...

they don't register .

I can stare at them ,

reading them again and again ,

but the moment I take my eyes off the board ,

there everything goes .

The letters flail in my head ,

twisting ,

turning ,

dancing with glee ,

before passing through indefinitely .

Sometimes I forget things ,

as I'm doing them .

Does that sound possible to you ?

Midway in a task ,

and you forget the task as a whole .

It's annoying really .

To the point I want to cry .

I'm really not trying to be lazy .

I just genuinely forget about everything .

But believe me when I say ,

all goes , anxiety stays .

I forget the task .

But it nicks me in the back of my mind .

It nicks me to the point I peel my nails off .

Sometimes my skin .

Often my hair .

My brain only remembers it had forgotten something .

What the thing was ?

It's a mystery in itself .

Telling my parents what I had forgotten ,

really , really , really

doesn't do anything .

At all .

It just makes my parents mad .

And me question myself more .

I don't want to be like this .

I don't think anyone willingly will .

I'm one mistake away from bringing the kid from last year back .

Don't make me bring them back .