I’m Used to Lonely Summers
at last.
finally.
school is over.
i can have relaxation again,
solitude again,
happinesses again,
my life again.
a week into this fucker
and i promise
i will not be able to list the alkali metals.
—
so two weeks in
and i don’t have a great update.
my heart might be beating
faster than usual.
and my palms might be getting
wetter around people.
and my mind might be a bit more
imaginative…
i don’t wanna say i’ve met someone.
i haven’t.
i saw them.
across the river.
i thought i was the only
one
that knew
about that place.
it’s my place.
and he was there.
across.
staring
then waving.
i think i waved back.
i don’t remember.
my senses were too
overwhelmed.
—
i can now say
that we’ve met.
we talked.
i’m excited.
not super excited or anything just you know
happy.
summer will be a bit less
lonely
now.
i’ve never minded
lonely summers.
i’d say i actually like them.
but this was something different
and i’m getting excited,
jumpy.
he has a nice voice.
i don’t wanna forget it
or let him forget mine.
his voice,
it reminds me of late nights
and staring at the ceiling
and waiting
for something
not sure what but something
good.
something you’ve wished for
and you just know it’s going to come soon.
is he what i’ve waited for?
—
he came over today.
i met him a few weeks ago,
feels like forever,
and he has been in my
bedroom.
he looked at my dresser,
did he imagine what my clothes
look like?
did he imagine what my
bras,
underwear
look like.
i would
at his place.
ugh that’s weird
i’m weird okay.
stop.
he sat on the floor
i offered the bed but
he looked away
said he was,
“okay”.
we sat on the floor
we traded music
my song
his song
my song
his song.
i liked all of his songs.
they were better than mine.
he left
after five hours of teenage music.
he wants to come over again
i want him to come over again.
i want to
kiss
his cheek
the next time he leaves
my doorstep.
—
we did 4th of July
together.
at night we met up,
he suggested we
sneak out,
and set off
fireworks
in the forest,
by our river.
i was scared but,
he said he’d protect me.
nothing happened.
i was fine but
my heart wasn’t.
his eyes.
i had never really
studied them like i had the
rest of him.
he looked into the sky after lighting
the firework
the reds, the blues, purples
all reflecting on the surface
of his soul.
he’s gorgeous
and i tell him that.
i say it out loud.
he looks at me for a second
and then that smile.
it spread across his face slowly,
like a realization,
a spark flickering behind his
magical
fantastical,
eyes.
he walked towards me
and asked me a very important question.
“can i kiss you?”
can he kiss me?
can i kiss him?
can we kiss each other.
i said yes
and he sighs into my mouth,
as if something in his life just got
a whole lot easier.
—
he calls me baby
everyday.
i call him darling when i want to
make
him
flustered.
i call him honey when he’s
heating food up.
i call him baby when he
rubs my thighs
or bites my neck
or licks my stomach.
i don’t want this to end.
i don’t want him to leave my porch
or my river
or my life.
he has no plans to
but life finds a way.
i keep thinking about it.
i told him yesterday,
told him about
the gnawing feeling that this
won’t last.
not because we don’t
need each other
or want each other
but because time,
life
gets in the way.
he said not to worry
he rubbed my face
with his cool hands
and
he put our noses together and said
“this won’t stop”
“i won’t let it”
“i love it too much”
he loves it
too much.
i think love it too much too.
(sorry i suck at poetry. also i thought lowercase fit the aesthetic i was going for with this poetry thing. sorry to anyone that was annoyed by this)!!