Kyle Christopher

I didn't cry for 3 years after you died.

I was living with Christine when my brother called to tell me the news.

I remember being in shock. I was sitting on the small balcony outside of our apartment, smoking a cigarette.

I remember knowing. I knew I was partially responsible.

Do you remember those nights when we'd sit on the curb outside my house and talk?

I remember when you went in for a heart transplant and I had to hug you goodbye in the street between our houses. I thought that was going to be the last time I saw you.

It wasn't.

I'm sorry I let my addiction swallow me up. I'm sorry for giving you drugs. I'm sorry I never tried to help you. I couldn't even help myself.

I was a poor excuse for a man those last days.

We were in kindergarten together. We grew up together.

I think about you every 4th of July.

I was still using heroin the first time you overdosed. You were in a coma and I'd go and sit with you in the hospital until I had to leave to get my next fix. I tried to be there, but I couldn't.

When you woke up, you weren't the same. I wonder if you tried to overdose that time too.

You always looked up to me.

Remember when your mom threw us in the backyard and told me to beat you up?

You deserved it, but I couldn't do it.

I still talk to you from time to time.

I became a christian and changed my life 6 years ago. I can't believe it.

I went and saw your parents and apologized for the terrible friend I was.

They were so kind and forgave me.

Remember when we were kids? I do.

My fondest memories were summer days terrorizing the neighborhood with you and the other kids. Mitch, Garrett, Kevin, your brothers, and mine.

I often wonder why God took you and not me. There were lots of times I wished I would die.

Your mom would always tell that story about your open heart surgery as a todler. You woke up from surgery and told everyone, "God said it wasn't my time."

Before you even knew who God was. I know you're with Him.

I'm married now.

We're moving in September. Out of California. Her name is Lori and she's from Romania. Can you believe it? I have a good job, we go to church, have a business, and we're trying to start a family. It's a miracle.

I saw your brother, Kenny, and your mom and dad at Tyler's wedding. It was so good to see them.

It always reminds me of you.

I hope you know I miss you and you'll forever be a part of my story. Even though much of it isn't pretty and I'm not proud of it.

We went through a lot together.

I miss you dude.