Saline Confetti

And he’s almost too cold to touch, I’d leave him alone if I didn’t love him so much, in ways of the heart, our physicality, and such, he hit me in the core, a gut-wrenching punch

He came not to hold, but destroy my mechanical heart like a child’s brittle toy, he was clever, he was hidden, and he was coy, my rusted, unkempt, discontent, broken boy

And I don’t mean to be a bleeding cloud, I’ll admit how I feel, but I won’t do it aloud, he knows my resistance, he colors me proud, to him, I am just a face in a swirling crowd

But how can I be just the same, just another woman by the name of Plain Jane, he feels nothing as raw love drives me insane, my efforts to move him are pointless, inane

I wish I could transport him in a mirroring way, like the manner in which he got me to stay, make it so his heart would never stray, but there’s too much fright for me to convey-

I walk with him across thin, splintering ice, to fall under love’s spell, there is often a price, it is rarely pretty, it is not always nice, and my emotional faculties are starting to splice

-Together, but I don’t feel ready, try as I might, I can’t keep my breath steady, his scent alone is intoxicating, it’s heady, it cuts through my defences like a razor sharp machete

… From my eyes falls saline confetti…

Inside my brain, it is getting darker, graffiti my thoughts with an onyx Magic Marker, logic and reality are becoming starker and I’m running out of time 

What happened to when he was mine…?

In my bed, I still see his outline, my skin is VIBRATING, I am losing my MIND, and, of my Love Heart, there are simply pieces to find and in my memories, only slices of the always-weeping kind

He wore me like jewelry, something to wrap around him for others to envy, like a ring of  fleshy, elastic quality, but that should have stayed between the sheets, him, and me

Love, again, has become the Red Ghost, a parasitic longing looking for its next host, it left our story when we needed it the most, one more drink of champagne, one last sappy toast

But I’d sooner strangle than let it go, suffocate this fixation with a Christmas bow, cover it with a pillow, bury it in snow, find any way to grab it and never let it go

This isn’t healthy, I know, but I already told you that insanity is in tow, I’d do anything to cushion this blow if only my head would just tell me, “No.”

But, inside, I feel a faint growl, my mental predators are on the prowl, my heartstrings are cut, I let loose a howl and I fall away

Insomnia has me caught in its web, I’m anxiously waiting for this torment to ebb, lightly I call to him, quietly I almost beg, but it’s too late

I am alone in a sinking boat, an ocean of emotion tearing against my throat, capsizing quickly, I can’t stay afloat, beneath me are verbal bodies fat and white with bloat

Burning with desire, I realize now how I was playing with fire, it’s not safe to romantically admire when he was never real

After all, he had no heart to steal