I'm not quite ready

to let go yet

to let go of the days

when I hide in my closet

giggling when I hear them

call my name for hide and seek

my brother came in my room the other day

he was scared by an unexplained noise in his room

our parents were out and my sister was at a friend's house

he jumped on me and we watched bts dance practices

his eyes fluttered shut, lulled to dreamland by the quiet music

as he scooted up to me, I realized

he came to me for comfort

but who would I go to for mine?

I'm not quite ready 

to let go yet

I still get teased because of my height

my friends call me shorty and kiddo

but there will be a day

when I don't look like a kid

I'll be an adult

with a house and a partner and a job

and I would have let go of those days

my friend facetimed me the other day

his parents told him they can't pay for his tuition

he was crying to me, "how will i go to college?"

we talked for hours, him becoming less stressed, but me more so

when he hung up, he thanked me for being there for him

I was there for his comfort

but would he be there for mine?

I'm not quite ready

to let go yet

I look around me

at my car, at my keyboard, my guitar, and my speakers

at my desk, my closet, my laptop, and my posters

at my family, my dog, my cameras, and my books

my life is just like any other's

everyone else has to let go

they seem ready to let go

but I'm not ready

to leave everything behind

and become someone new