Why I Write... For Now 4

As of late I have been writing poetry that has taken on some sort of structure that has allowed me to tell a story that I have been hoping to tell since my first year in high school. I never had the knowledge or even the ability to do half the job until now and it has been truly amazing. The issue is that I do not know if this is the final way that I want my story to be, and I am not sure if I will be able to complete the story. This last year I have been slowly pushing toward a different future that may not allow me to write and even if it does I am uncertain if I will be capable of making this as great as I would like it to be. I write this because I know others have their own strange relationship with writing that has transformed into a part time to full time practice, and then back to part time again. In this current time I write to manifest a story that I feel is truly important, I wish to present the ills of youth in particular, mainly the social madness that has taken place in Wealthy nations, particularly in the U.S given that is what I have the most experience with.

In my previous three little essays (little to me at least) I have highlighted the importance of knowing why you write, and thanking those who take the time to read what you put down, good or not. In addition to that I believe that honesty is absolutely necessary, not just to the audience but to the writer as well, if you cannot fully express the reasons why you write or do not then you will forever be stuck in a pit of fear that will only weigh down every word and creative concept that crosses your page.

For all the glory that prose provides it leaves me wanting more, I remain here because it is a place where I can get the attention itch I need to get me to the next piece. I dislike this, it is the reason why I stopped making so many pieces, I had to slow down and actually take the time to challenge myself, count my syllables, check the thesaurus a million times over to find a word that had a better cousin. While Prose has several people who put out engaging challenges I still find that it does not match the issue that I want to tackle so I take on a blank page with a blank mind not knowing what I want to write but still writing regardless. Taking this on has only led to less being made and my creativity distracted by the world around me. I have a vision as to what I want to create but for some reason the very words for that realm are so beyond me, I do not know how to do it. Even worse in my hopes to create something others will enjoy I hardly take the pieces of others into consideration, I do not support the people that support me. I truly would like to be the writer that engages heavily with the community but I cannot possibly do so in a way that is not disingenuous, while posts could be better others are truly so great that I do not know how to properly evoke my emotions, even the thought of this bothers me, my mind yells “ just say what comes to your mind and improve over time”, and after that it yells “This is foolish these are random people who you may never meet”, perhaps this is true but I come to this website to engage with what others do and to develop my writing. In the end I do not know whether I can talk to every soul and engage with everyone, we all have people beyond our screens that we wish to talk to and places to go and so on, truly I want to say that I thank all the people who read what I write and to let those who read my work that I do not mean ill if I do not respond to you or read what you write, and of course I understand if you cannot come and read what I create.

In terms of what I am currently pursuing in my writing. These past few months I have written Doom, Historia, Oblivion ,Oceanside, and Apocalypse, each relatively short poems that seek to explain a Dystopian Universe as well as the stories of the characters within them. Initially I wanted to do it in a novel format but I found that doing it as a poem allowed me to play around a little more in the way I constructed the world. Generally I like to use one word and break it down conceptually, as I write this portion of the essay I realize that my aims have become more specific before I wanted to show the beauty of Darkness and now I have found that is taking harsh realities and the people within them and finding a way to take some sort of lesson out of it. If not a lesson than to alter the perception of it. Doom is a piece that looks at the lives of youth, or at least as I experience it, so many young adults find themselves in a harsh social landscape that fluctuates between past and current norms. Several also find themselves in a mental hellscape that is hardly ever acknowledged with any harsh truth, it is only coaxed. I am currently trying to figure out how to extract my understanding of my pieces and their aims, that is why my thoughts are all over the place. For the most part these pieces are a means for me to mythologize the current state of this nation into some Dystopian Epic with some fantastical elements. I want to build something of my own as I believe many do.

I have been wanting to write this fourth installment since December but felt as if I had nothing to report on, but now I do and it is not as intense as the last but nevertheless I want to say my piece. I will soon ship out for some training and then go down my career path, if everything goes right, if not I will write a bit more, if so then I hope I can return to create. I hope that once I am done with this route that I can pursue my love of writing if it is still there. Thank you all for the support and for continuing to come back to this website to do what you love.

Thank you all:

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