I Should Feel Sad

Her funeral wasn’t as sad as i expected it to be. I thought i would drown in my tears, bury myself under my sweater, and never let myself leave the cheap metal folding chairs. It wasn’t though. Maybe because people didn’t talk, or was i just not soaking in what they were saying. I love her, I loved her more then a child loves a sunny day, more then a girl loves a pretty rose on the first date, more then i loved myself. I should’ve been sadder, despite being her secret, i still soaked in her affection, clang to her words like rain clings to clouds until it just has to let go. Just like me. I had to let her go, but letting go should’ve involved tears. I just felt numb at the ceremony.