something out of a springsteen song

my hometown is like one in the movies

it's the kind of place my classmates always shit talked

but i know they'll miss it once they're gone

it's the kind of place that even i miss

but it's the kind of place that is incredibly difficult to go back to

when i drive past my childhood home

i wish i could see visions of my old cat snuggling with me by the fire

or a brief image of my ex boyfriend talking with me on our back porch

i would give anything to even watch my mother scream at me for not practicing my piano one more time

but instead i see several moments during our last summer in the house

i see myself crumbling on the floor and clutching at my guts

wishing i hadn't smoked so much

or sitting in my bed late at night with greasy hair

wondering why he never listened all the times i said no

no matter how many layers of paint they cover my bedroom in

there will always be pink and orange and purple hidden down deep

and all my favorite songs written and kept away

in a time when i was still a child