Happy Birthday

I filled

a

cart

with all the things

I want to buy you

for your birthday

knowing I’ll never

click

purchase

or call you

at

9:37

to honor your mother’s memory

again

this year

I’ll light a candle

for your

number

blocked

so I don’t have to

hear

your

voice

or know

how

your

child

bride

bids

our

child

to oblige

this

happy

birthday

song

my therapist

says

I’m window shopping

for the fantasy

where I can

almost

have

it

all

where I somehow keep my

head

in the matter

while I watch you

have your

cake

and eat it

too