up

i blow up,

dynamite lit by

a dry match.

why

do i explode

at the tiniest hair

of a trigger

and yet stay

so painfully numb

the rest of the time?

why do i pile it on

and feel nothing

then explode when

the tiniest comment is made.

why can't i choose one,

feel or not feel?

why do i have to be stuck

in this painful inbetween?

why can't i go up

instead of

blowing up?