Slamming thoughts through straight—a message to myself

to the people who tried to shame me,

do you ever wonder if it worked?

because I spend days thinking of all the hurtful things I said

I spend days pondering what I should’ve done

or how I could’ve been better

I spend days counting the days till it will finally be over

to the people who screwed me over

do you wonder if I’m fine

for I create clocks and fixtures in my mind to hold my thoughts hostage to specific times.

I wander through alleyways of these passage-veins that circle and circle throughout my brain

i create cycles of patterns looping round and round so that I will not forget

to those who laughed

to those that left

I am one of you

one who let go of human empathy to stick to the concrete sound of melancholy memories

drifting to haunting taunts

as I screamed at those who were inferior

at those who were crazy

at those who were hurting

at her

at the one person I truly. loved.

to those who punish themselves

who create killing karmas to punish their own actions,

it’s okay.

the truma will soon fade to a less frequent pain

it’s okay.

the world is a terrible place,

but you have a lifetime to improve it

to believe in yourself in others

to hope

to breathe

to live

to those people

to those people who really need to hear it

its okay,

I forgive you.