It’s Him

I'm standing on the patio in the December cold watching the sky. He should be coming. It's going to be light soon. Wait. I think hear something now but I'm not sure. But I listen intently and soon, I'm able to make it out. The sound seems to be coming from the north. The sound of hooves beating against the thickness of the cold night air. I look up and catch but only a glimpse, as streak over my head and go a little way before slowing down and circling around to where I can barely make them out. It's true. They are that tiny. Eight of them were in line. The sleigh is not much bigger than one of those old red flyer wagons. How can he possibly fit all the toys and gifts into that little thing?

He's landing on the roof now. To see him, he's only about as tall as a Ken doll or a GI Joe doll. But to listen to that up on the roof. you'd think you've got a giant walking around on your roof. And those reindeer? They're pretty noisy for tiny little things. Listen to how loud they grunt. Oh sheesh, I bet if I look up there in the morning, I'll see reindeer poop all over the place. I'd better get in there before he comes down the chimney. I'm inside now, closing the door behind me when a blast of air swishes down through the fireplace chimney, blowing out the fire. Quickly, I duck behind the sofa just before he comes down. He steps out of the fireplace and stands still for a moment as he turns his eyes about slowly surveying the room. Did he detect me? He shrugs his shoulders and I'm relieved. I thought for sure I was a sitting duck. I watch him sitting the sack down by the Christmas tree. With a wave of his hands, the lights on the tree lights flicker and the sack magically opens with all the gifts and toys march out of the bag in a single file. Each item finds its place and settles under the tree.

The tiny bearded man in red walks over to the sofa. Uh oh. I'm sure he knows I'm back here. Then again, maybe not. I watch him leap from the floor to the sofa, then onto the coffee table. I almost laugh but I try my best to stifle it as I'm watching him pick up a chocolate chip cookie that's about as big as he is. Sitting down with his legs dangling over the side, chomping down his cookie. When he's done eating, I see him taking his smartphone out of his pocket, hitting the speed dial.

"Hey, Rudy. Tell the guys he didn't leave any carrots for you. Oh, and send down a lump of coal for his stocking."

Then a little quieter he says to Rudolph, "He doesn't think I know but he's hiding behind the sofa."

My eyes bug out and my jaw drops.

BUSTED