Honesty In Small Doses

You know how you get that feeling when your expecting a certain reaction

from that one special person, and you honestly believe in your heart

that its gonna happen, but it just doesn’t?

Your whole world just crashes around you.

You wanna curl in a ball as you try

not to cry because it didn’t happen?

You have to fake that smile on your face

because that person is sitting in front of you

at that time of the alleged moment

that crushed your choking heart.

You have to hold back the waterfall

of unforgiving tears because one minute

you’re feeling on top of the world

thinking it's the perfect moment,

when in reality it's not going to happen.

Yet in the back of your feeble, tainted mind

you knew what the outcome was going to be.

You knew this would be the moment

you feared the most, but you fought 

against your better judgement

because you didn’t want it to be true.

You felt your hands shaking

as you pushed the feelings aside.

You heard your heart beat

three times faster than usual

but you figured it was just from the excitement

of your soon to be moment.

You skipped a few harsh breaths

in anticipation of seeing them.

You mistook your shaking

q u i c k e n e d

harsh gasps of honesty

for fallacies, 

p r e t e n d

and a fairy-tale with a twisted ending.

You told yourself it wasn’t that easy.

You told yourself it just wasn’t going to happen.

Yet, obliviously, you took a dive

into uncharted waters

and the crashing waves consumed you.

Now you’re drowning in a sea of confusion

lost in a wave of forgotten dreams

of what could have been but never will be.

You’re so far into the water now.

No one can save you.

You sink under and let reality wash over you.

You’re no longer locked inside

this box of expectations.

You finally accept to stop expecting.