Thoughts of a Young Man

Someone came to visit me today, but I can’t quite remember what they said to me. They seemed sad. I hope it wasn’t me that made them sad. I think they had black hair, like Papa, but it couldn’t have been him. He isn’t around anymore. I think the nice lady who comes to help me told me that a few days ago. What happened to Papa?

Him and Mother would take me to eat hot dogs at the park, it was very fun for me. Then Mother left, and Papa didn’t talk as much, he just looked at my face a lot more. I can’t remember what his eyes looked like, but they hurt my chest when he would look at me like that. Just like when Linda told me she was leaving. It hurt my chest the same way.

Linda and Mother were quite similar. They had to have been, they both left. Linda has beautiful dark brown hair. Maybe it’s gray now. I saw Linda a few days ago. She was sitting on a bench feeding ducks and I introduced myself and pretty soon we were talking and laughing and as the sun set, I kissed her, and my chest hurt again but it was different, and then Adam was born and my chest hurt the most.

The woman in the room next to mine keeps yelling and I want her to stop. The nice lady who comes to help me says she has a problem that I can’t remember. I’m sad for her that she has the problem and then she yells again and I’m not sad anymore, only angry. I have a problem too but I don’t yell about it all day. I wish I remembered my problem. I ask the nice lady every day and she always tells me. She is a very nice lady.

After the visitor left I watched TV. The man on the TV was very funny, he yelled too, but I liked it when he yelled, when he yelled I would laugh. Most of the time I don’t laugh though. Most of the time I just sit and try to remember. I can tie my shoes. I miss Adam. I wish he would visit me. The man who visited today sounded like Adam. I wish Adam would visit me. Most of the time I just try to remember. Today I saw a house. Most of the time when I try to remember, I can’t. Most of the time I just remember gray. Most of the time I don’t see anything. I just sit and try to remember. I just sit and try. And try. And try.

I can’t remember.