tell me how im feeling//floatingawayfloatingaway

my fingers lost their magic touch, tips on keys they hover

no more words spill out, i grieve them like ive lost my lover

and its this covid world thats sucked the breath out of me

in an airtight fishbowl i forget to speak in poetry

my mood ring never changes from this deep indigo color

like it found a calm emotion & refused to take another

i keep it on like a talisman i’m calm i’m calm i’m calm

its begun to rust sickly green against the inside of my palm

a bing crosby song echoes from the kitchen to my locked door

mom sings white christmas, though shes never had one before

today i told her that i might just have to move away

she feigns hurt surprise, as if guilt will make me stay

we watch dust storm rain spatter the window’s muddy glass

and pretend its a wintery-cold storm to make time drag past

the grass is dead like scattered bones, there are no fall leaf trees

wind sucks at our front door's metal lock with a heavyladen wheeze

i force my fingers to write but cant understand the language they shape

and it translates in tears and panic attacks and unspeakable need to escape

someday i will remember how to eat without fighting and digging at my waist

ill write real words again and meet new friends and remember how things taste

my mood ring will shift tones and match the labels on its color chart

but for now i wonder how long it all will take in the waiting part