Losin’ It

1) I once lost 158 lbs. of useless fat in one afternoon. I hear he married a stripper in Lodi, New Jersey.

2) Try the Donald Trump diet—just get full of baloney.

3) Beer and Alpo. (You work like a dog, anyway)

4) For appetite suppression-paste a photo of Ted Cruz on your fridge. (If you can’t find one then use Mike Lindell)

5) Instructions:

Go to the newsstand

Buy your favorite mullet-wrapper

Read what Congress is up to

Vote ’em out

This would let the whole country lose a lot of dead weight