About losing

There's no going back to what it was. When you lose someone you love, something inside of you changes forever. And just like a crumpled up piece of paper never goes back to being perfect again, we'll never be ourselves again, not like before. Because everything that reminds you of them will never look the same. It will bring you joy some days and infinite pain in others. It will bring you to your knees crying and it will make you smile your brightest smile.

There's no formula to grieving and there's no perfect time to heal. Some people never do, even nine, fifteen years later, the wound is still just as open as in day one. And other people will learn how to live with that small piece of them that is now gone, that part of them that only existed when that significant other was there. Me, I'm in between.

You change, and that's the only constant in losing someone you love. And the more you try to go back to what it was, the more you will suffer. They're gone, but their memories are just as alive as they ever were. Even when they start to fade, because time tries to take it all away, we'll always remember what they meant to us. Sometimes, I feel sad because I can't remember what my granddad's voice sounded like, sometimes I cry because I remember how much he loved me and how often he would show it.

I still cry, even with almost ten years to heal, and I have healed plenty. But I don't hate to miss them, my grandpa and my aunt. I love to remember everything that they meant to me in the twelve years we spent together. It hurts, but I don't regret one single day I spent with them.

And that's losing the ones we love.