Lump

She knows as soon as she picks up the phone. Somehow she knows. And between all that hello and hi and how is everything and oh you know it must be the same at your place right and yes that’s crazy who could have thought, she knows there is more. He takes a breath.

“I have to tell you, I have to get this out of me, I still love you, I can’t forget, I miss you so much, I know it’s been so long, but I’ve done everything, I don’t know what else to do, I feel like I’m choking, I had to tell you, you are the love of my life, I am not asking you for anything, I don’t expect anything, but I had to tell you, if you ever feel down, if you ever feel like nobody’s ever really loved you, I just want you to know that I love you more than anything in this world and I always will…”

She doesn’t say a word for a second, or two or three. He waits. And then she bursts into a stream of don’t-say-that-you-know-that-is-not-true-you-think-you-love-me-but-you-know-you-only-say-that-because-you-are-there-all-by-yourself-you-shouldn’t-tell-me-that-you-will-be-sorry-later-what-do-you-expect-of-me-please-don’t and she talks because she as she talks he is quiet and if he is quiet she won’t hear that he loves her when the mere thought of him gives her cold shivers and that he sees her as the love of his life while she sees him as a big mistake with a name, a surname and an address.