To the east, I shall fall

If the sun were to rise in the west and set in the east,

I find I would want to run with it's uncoordinated direction,

propelling myself into unconventional momentum.

I do not wish to follow the way of the world as it is now,

I do not wish realism, I miss the radical romanticism that possesses my heart and trails into my work.

If snow were to rise in solid formation towards the sky

I would want to rise with it.

I wish to stand tall

not cower

not fall.

These daydreams hold me in lull with the poles

but I continue to feel suspended,

gravitating towards the earth following the right not the left, clockwise not counterclockwise,

and it feels wrong my compass feels off,

heavy,

broken,

the needle bent from pressure,

it seemed I have always felt off.

when I met you it changed,

for once I was being unconventional with you

and I was happy

I felt free

I felt alive

finally floating upwards

chasing those dreams even if they set in the wrong direction.

But I am sedated and the world passes me by in proper directionality

missing the feeling you gave me

missing my daydream

where I could make decisions without doubt

but now

now doubt restrains us

grounds us to reality

switching our thrusting to pulling,

maybe it is just growing old

and making substantial decisions

but I have slowed down

slowed down

and my heart beats ten beats less than before

I am faltering

my compass is wavering

But maybe looking backwards west has always been my problem.

The sun does not rise in the west.

it will not rise no matter how hard I wish the light to bask me

no matter how hard I look into the past

I will not see the future

(it won't give me life just moments).

so I suppose I must look to the east

look up to see the snow fall so that it may rise again in another form,

I've been looking in the wrong direction

the direction that has been crushing my heart

confusing my heart, my compass

and it is time

that we look forward together

to not regret what we have left behind

but rather what will come of us

what will come of how we chose to embrace the constants, the unchangeable.

what will come is up to us

it is up to me

and the direction I shall chose to take.