healthy

Wellbutrin, Zoloft, and Singulair. Ativan.

CVS Pharmacy: PLEASE RESPOND: Would you like your eligible Rxs ready…

Remember the notebook and pen for class, the one with the smooth pages that makes the nerves in your fingertips settle for a moment.

Gently push on the cap of the pen, over and over and over. Look at the smooth circle indented on your thumb and the dot of blue smudged by your sweat.

Have a panic attack. Let yourself feel grounded by the cold metal of the wall of a bathroom stall, put on headphones to calm yourself down. Try to turn on something so loud that your thoughts quiet.

Taco Bell Loco Burrito! Now only $2.99 and with a drink combo only…

Get pissed, just for a second. Feel white hot rage spark in your stomach and try to make its way out of your throat. Can’t even have a panic attack without being forced to consume ads for shit you don’t care about.

Ativan, again.

Shove your hands in your pockets to keep them out of sight while you wait for the bus. Schrodinger's cat. If you can’t see your hands shaking then there’s only a fifty percent chance that they are. There’s only a twenty percent chance you’re real.

Get on the 57 bus to Watertown Yard. Blink and realize the sun’s gone down, you’ve fallen through another crack and it’s an hour later than it was when you closed your eyes. You went outbound when you needed inbound.

STOP REQUESTED

Fifteen percent chance you’re real. You hit another skip in time, or you’re broken. It’d be better if it wasn’t real. Get back on the bus, inbound this time. Ride for an hour and a half to make up for your mistake earlier. You’re not lucky enough to lose more time.

Slide your id through the scanner, flash your badge at the security guard. Wonder absently if they even care, if you should start using the wrong badges on purpose and see how long it takes for someone to notice. Place your keys on the thumbtack you shoved in the wall and try not to think about that time you stepped on a nail in the summer and it went through your flip flop and into your skin. You are not the wall.

Abilify, Trazodone.

Stare at the ceiling and pretend like you believe you have a body. Laughter from another room comes through the door muffled. Your senses feel muffled too. But when you think about it you start flying backwards and out of the body so instead you think of nothing at all.

One one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand.

If you make it to one hundred one thousand you’re allowed to think about how you feel, and if you don’t then it doesn’t matter anyway.

CVS Pharmacy: Your Rx order is ready. Be prepared and stay well with Rx delivery. View delivery eligibility and more at…