Slowly waking up from a dismal world into a place of peace. Ah peace. Peace is not quiet, just the result of blowing up all the mess between me and God. To get to peace, I've had to walk through all the vacancy and peril painted up and down my past. I wanted it ignored. I wanted my sins to disappear.

Nailed to a cross, and the mess still lingers? Perhaps I missed something. Ah yes, I've spent a lot of time trying to pull them off the wood and stuff them back into my life. At least God's not just one man.

First He made me. Then He threw His life between me and death. And now...

Now is the hang-up. I'm still a mess, and I shouldn't be. Should I? Well, there's one more part of God, the One that's stuck around to pull the crap off of that I've insisted on wearing. He won't strip the strife without permission though. So I have to mend this cruddy relationship with me, too!

And there's another rub. I really am not always my biggest fan. In fact, I've avoided my soul as if it's paparazzi and I've misbehaved in the spotlight. So I snuggle into a dark shadow where I think I'll die alone. Alone from myself and from God.

Then? A nightlight comes on. No one makes me leave the shadows, but the Light lingers softly, changing the length of shadows until I finally feel ready to move again. But where can I go? I feel like I've burned all that was once green and good in my life.

He offers a hand, and says He'll take me to a new land. One I haven't marred. A place I can't dream of, control, or contrive. My rap sheet of wrongs will melt as we get closer, and He'll give me something nicer to wear.

I guess I'll go. I'm so curious.