Perpetual lies to ease the mind

We are responsible for our own state of mind. We have the ability to alter our perspective in order to channel positive energy. But sometimes the mind shouldn’t be manipulated. Sometimes we need to feel and express our emotional aches and pains. Through this we find a deeper understanding of our individual worlds. In understanding them, we will ultimately be set free from them.

So I’ll let my mind accept the pain of loss. No one can prepare you for the ridiculous emotions that come with love. Ranging from euphoric to petrified but always a little concerned.

A cycle of violence stemming from alcohol abuse and his use of heroin resulted in the end of my relationship with the love of my life. Once we became conscious of this cycle, we both knew we couldn’t be together. As much as I want to support him, I realize that the best way to do that is to not be with him. That truth was revealed through unimaginable pain.

I still think about him everyday, however, in order to continue living and breathing, sometimes I need to change what is in my mind. Sometimes I create an illusion that all of those horrible nights leading to the end never happened and that I’ll be seeing him soon. In deep meditation I have been able to alter my mind so intensely that I could feel his physical presence.

I imagine this is an arguably unhealthy coping technique but it is the delusions that allow me to breathe.

If I didn’t have a job, responsibilities, friends and family that rely on me for support, then i could release my mind to its natural rhythm, and though it might be painful, ultimately I would be free.

I believe the mind should be allowed its natural experience. But our world does not operate in this way, and so, to be a part of it, neither can we. We find ways to numb the undesirable rather than facing it. Next time you’re feeling blue, see what surfaces if you just let your mind unwind. Maybe you’ll find that it is indeed better to create reality from lies, or maybe you’ll find that the bad isn’t so bad after all. It is not smiles and laughter always, but it’s real. The actual real.