An outlook from a Russian

Any kind of war sucks ass. Our children and grandchildren will be busy sorting this shit out.

We're drifting back to the Soviet Union. We'll be working at steel mills for a plate of rice. This last round of Western sanctions is bound to to hit our crumbling economy hard. At best, the Russians are going to face the new 90s with rampant crime and abject poverty. Superimposed on this will be wild hordes of migrants from Central Asia and, probably, a civil war. People are going to split in factions as they may deem fit, forming alliances that may seem very bizarre. This internecine war may be bloody and protracted.

After the war in Ukraine ends, Russia may witness that very "denazification" that Putin promised. Having subjugated the external enemy, this system will be eliminating all sorts of internal enemies, and everybody runs the risk of being ensnarled in and chewed by the cogs of this repressive machine. Nationalists, liberals, democrats, will be thrown in jails and...well, you may've heard of what kind of things are rampant in some Russian jails. In case you don't have the idea of what I'm alluding to, make yourself watch the leaked videos from the eight TB-pulmonary department of the OTB (tuberculosis prison hospital) of Saratov. Please do, or at least read about this gruesome place.

The ongoing barrage of news only adds fuel to the fire. I'm under the impression that neither side really knows what's going on. I don't bear any grudges against Ukrainians. I never wanted this war. Ultimately, I see no difference between the Russians and the Ukrainians, we're the same people.

One part of me is ashamed and makes me feel complicit in what's going on. Another part feels concerned about my well-being and my family. Something else prompts me to go and donate blood to the Russian soldiers fighting there. They really had no choice in this matter. Perhaps, supporting the Army is the only viable course to end this war sooner and avoid unnecessary victims. The anti-war sentiment is strong amidst Russian liberals and left-wings, the very people that I don't really like. But I must admit that this time they may make a valid point.

I feel confusion.

Things won't return to any semblance of normality any time soon. Now that Russia is an outcast, immigration is off the list, perhaps for good. A year ago, I was given an opportunity at work to emigrate, I had a couple of interviews with our R&D department, but either I must have failed the selection process or the pandemics got in the way. Now that almost all the countries I'd consider emigration to stopped issuing or nullified existing visas, I'm out of luck.

What are the things I am in control of?

Partially, my job and side hustles. My relationships. My attitude.