So It Starts

I am about to let you know the thing I regret doing the most. You ready?

We're still in 7th grade. This was towards the end of the year. Kiley and I were standing outside my teacher's door, waiting for them to let us in to class. I had watched Zootopia the night before with my family. You guys remember who Clawhauser is, right? The lovable cheetah who works at the reception desk who loves donuts? Good, I'm glad we are on the same page.

As I stood there, I turned to Kiley and said, "You know, Max reminds me a lot of Clawhauser." And then I snickered.

I didn't learn until later, way way later, that Max was there, and he heard me. And he thought that I meant he was fat.

Max's humor had reminded me of Clawhauser's humor. I thought Max was funny! Not fat!

Now, I don't even remember Max ever being pudgy, let alone fat. It's not even in my brain. I have actually racked my brain, trying to remember a time when he didn't look the way that he does now. I can't. It's gone.

Kiley told me during the summer between 7th and 8th grade. Ever since that point I have regretting making that comment. I wish I could take it back. But I can't. So we move on with our story.

Kiley invited me to a end of school party at her house. I went, and made some core memories.

Sitting at a table, playing Jenga, feeling my face get hot as I get more excited, and turning to Kiley's little sister and getting mad at her for shaking the table. Instantly regretting it as the little girl's face fell.

Playing ghost in the graveyard, and walking down a dark path by the barn. Seeing someone come out of the shadows, realizing it was Max, and feeling intense fear as he charges towards me to tag me.

Standing literally in a tree while they go around looking for everyone, and feeling a pain in my gut when they start the next round without realizing I hadn't been found.

7th grade ended not a moment too soon, and I went on with my life. Kiley asked to hang out a couple times that summer, and I did once or twice. I'm not the hang out type. I did email her a lot though. In fact, email ended that relationship.

Kiley had been driving me crazy, always mentioning Max. "Max grew 6 inches in two months this summer." "Max held my hand all day yesterday." "Max called me yesterday from his closet so his siblings wouldn't bug him about talking to me." I was going insane. So one day I snapped. I don't remember what I wrote exactly, but it was along the lines of, "I'm sick of you always talking about Max, even though he will never care about you as much as I do." At least that's what I think I said. Like I mentioned earlier, I blocked a lot of things out of my head.

Now I went to school thinking everything was fine. Kiley hadn't emailed me in a bit, but I was busy so I didn't think much of it. I remember waving at her, but she didn't wave back.

She was mad. Very mad. She stayed mad at me for a year and half. I spent 8th grade lonely, bored, and sad. That year went by in a blur.

Which brings us to high school.