Silent epiphanies, just for me

Some would call me blasphemous. I think of it as inclusive.

To keep a very long story short(ish), I was raised Christian but always had an interest in the supernatural. My papa was kind of a spooky guy. Deep southerner with close Native lineage and a strong belief in the word of the Bible. He was dedicated to his belief but was fluid in the ways that he practiced it. There were many strange happenings in the house on Birchwood, but he acknowledged them and shrugged it off, often referring to the odd occurrences with a twinkle in his eye. There was no fear or concern of the possibility of the unknown or barely seen. It was something we happened to live alongside. Papa was an intelligent, but simple man and was just fine with this conclusion. Though it scared me at times, that way of thinking came to me naturally, and I began a relationship of my own with my sense of “the other side”.

As I got older, I informally studied traditional religions, most of what falls under the new age umbrella (which are mostly traditional beliefs that have been rehashed and commercialized) and I pursed my natural draw to the realms of mysticism. I didn’t commit myself to any of these things, I just took a little of each along the way. There are many who would say there is no true connection to divinity for those who pick and choose. I respectfully disagree but encourage others to do whatever it is they feel brings them closer to the world around, inside, and above.

I build altars though they’re more to ideas than they are to specific religious figures (health, love, prosperity, etc) and weave a blend of different symbols and practices into their set-up. I use herbs and oils in ways that are based on their known, proven purpose in addition to the symbolic purpose assigned to them by cultures of past and present. I have a knack for tarot cards and other forms of interpretative divination. I believe in magic and manifestation, though I define those differently than some. I’ve experienced things that have stumped my analytical mind to such a degree that it just shrugs and adds the experience to the mental X-Files drawer I revisit on other unusual days.

I don’t try to push others into what I believe. Most beliefs are objectively illogical but make perfect sense for the people who believe in them. I don’t expect anyone not to scoff when I say that I grew up in a haunted house or that I saw my Papa’s aura while we were standing in the backyard one afternoon. Divination and astrology are arguably just a projection of oneself onto a pattern of seemingly mystical arrangement. The same could be said for religious practice as a whole. I would also like to note that I don’t think that belief in a god or religion is necessary to form a connection with yourself, the world around you, or things that are much bigger than all of us such as the unyielding passage of time or the chemically driven ebbs and flows of the ever-expanding universe.

There are great writers, philosophers, and scientists who’ve uttered profound and simple blips of poetry, a black and white record of what occurred when a glimmer of the universe sparked within the chemistry of their brain and they suddenly understood so much at once. The point of a spiritual practice is to connect with these things, no? Can deep, core shaking, powerful wisdom not come from the secular world as well? I’ve met atheists, agnostics, and even satanists who had a clear vision of their place in the world and walked in paths of understanding, love, and connection. I take these things into consideration as I feel it keeps me grounded. I am not afraid to question my logical side, but my logical side is not afraid to question me either.

I seek spiritual freedom, but I know I must be willing to understand and work with the world around, no matter how enlightened or self-actualized I feel. Spiritual people often fool themselves into believing their egos are much smaller than they actually are. The ego may be smaller than it once was, but now it feels itself whittling away and is desperate. What’s left is so deeply rooted and will not come out without a fight. There is always work to be done. Sometimes it’s through prayer and meditation. Other times, it’s through education and experience. Usually, it’s both.

I believe it’s no coincidence that I’m feeling this way at this time in my life nor is it coincidence that you have come to this post at this time. Perhaps it’s to share a belief that will force me to consider my own. Maybe it’s because your story needs a reason to be told, and this is a natural segue to that storytelling. Perhaps it is coincidence. That’s okay. Coincidence is fine. As long as we’re both having a good time. Are you having a good time? I am. These flickers of creation I have are mine and mine alone, though I am always happy to share them with others should they want to see them.