Leaving Love Behind

First, there was a smile.

I'm a sucker for smiles, and maybe you picked up on that,

or maybe you know your smile gets you anything like the drop of a hat

It's kind of sad how quickly I fell into a spell of anxiety,

but your magic works quietly

and the inquietude you created was exciting.

Excited to see you

excited to leave you because that meant

I got to experience seeing you again and I lent

So much of my time to thoughts of you that I was caught in you

And you knew, you knew just how to get through

To me even when I had guards up for the whole year.

The year I had gatekept unlocked

Easily, unnoticed, under your dextrous hands,

And looking back I would have done anything at your command

If only you had known that I would have done anything on your whim

That while you were still looking at other girls I only had one "him"

That you manipulated me just the way I wanted you to.

And looking back,

That was exactly why I loved to love you so

Like time away was a blizzard and you were the only home

for miles because I couldn't see how many others

had pulled themselves to your hearth, but now I stutter

a good bye to you,

a good luck to you,

an I loved to love you the way you loved for me to do

but I finally see the other people,

so to find myself, I choose to lose you.