La Cucaracha Vuelve

I wasn't expecting to see a cockroach when I opened the kitchen pantry door. But there it was. I brushed it off the shelf, onto the floor, and ground it into the terracotta tile with a boot heel.

It was there again the next morning. The same one. I'm sure of it.

"Listen here," I said. "We don't pay to have the place sprayed every three months for no reason, you know?" Then I brushed it off the shelf, onto the floor, and ground it into the terracotta tile with a boot heel.

It was there again the next morning. Looking at me from behind a packet of breakfast cereal.

"Cheeky bastard!" I said. "This is a tastefully renovated three bedroom bungalow in an exclusive suburb. You don't belong here." Then I brushed it out from behind the breakfast cereal, off the shelf, onto the floor, and ground it into the terracotta tile with a boot heel.

It was there again the next morning. Sitting on top of a bag of self-raising flour.

"You're taking the piss, aren't you?" I said. "Four days in a row!" Then I brushed it off the bag of flour, off the shelf, onto the floor, and ground it into the terracotta tile with a boot heel.

I emptied everything out of the pantry, onto the kitchen bench, and sprayed every shelf with insecticide; specially formulated for cockroaches.

It was there again the next morning. Crawling all over a bottle of maple syrup.

"I don't mind giving to charity to feed the starving children," I said. "But I'm not feeding you!" Then I brushed it off the syrup bottle, onto the shelf, onto the floor, and ground it into the terracotta tile with a boot heel.

The cockroach was there again the next morning. It had, somehow, unscrewed the lid of the Vegemite jar, and was making itself a sandwich.

"You are bloody kidding me!" I said. "Can't you take a hint?"

I was just about to do the bootscooting boogie, when it knocked me onto the floor, and ground me into the terracotta tile with all six of its legs. And I might be wrong, but I'm almost sure it was wearing little tiny cowboy boots.

'Well!' I thought to myself. 'I wasn't expecting that!'