Parts of me

I try so hard to hide parts of me from everyone. The part that cries every night when it is time to sleep. The part that longs for the numbness, the peace, the temporary escape the drugs used to bring. The part that wishes so badly to just be done. I am tired beyond belief my mind drags along with my body and my soul that are depleted. Every day I wake up and hide these parts of myself because I fear they will not understand and if they do they will not care or they will use these things against me. This is why I lock the most vulnerable pieces of me away from prying eyes. Away from people who will say that I am weak, worthless, or that I had everything going for me and I threw it away. My entire life I have pushed through hoping that when I make it out of the storm things will be better... but the storm hasn't gone away it has just gotten bigger the winds stronger the rain harder. It knocks me off of my feet every day but I always get back up even when I would rather stay on the ground and give up. But these parts of me that I hide are so heavy and I am not sure how much longer I can carry them on my own. I wish for just one person... one person I can trust with these parts of myself. One person to help me carry them. One person to see me for the whole of who I am and still want me, still believe in me... still, love me.