The Inevitability of the End

Why am I fighting something that is going to happen naturally; that can't be stopped? What makes rushing the ending unnatural? Where did all these ridiculous rules come from that say I can't and why should I listen to them? Pain is everywhere. There is just the question of cause and transference. What is really left for me anyway? All the things I always thought were so important are all unattainable now and it only brings me pain whenever I get sucked down the rabbit hole of bullshit, American Dream, fantastical, fucking delusions. Everyone always wants what they can't have, but it's torture. What is worse than revolving your life around a concept that isn't real and can't become real for you, no matter what you do? You could argue that I should change my concept, that I should find an attainable goal instead. That's not very satisfying, and honestly if I'm dumping the weight of the entirety of my being onto a small insignificant achievement, I predict the collapse of the concept (or even several, if I was motivated enough to multiply my absurdly, masochistic baby steps). I'm not handling reality well. I'm not handling my existence well. I am my own worst enemy, and yet I am the only person I can never escape. I'm never going to allow myself to be happy, so why can't I just not be? I've been looking for a personalized and intellectual argument to this question for most of my life, and ironically, the society that insists upon the continuation of my pain and clear depression (among a longer list of issues) cannot seem to answer my query. This society that has become obsessed with everyone's opinions on everything being so vital, cannot even convince me of the reasoning. When did people stop telling ignorant assholes to shut up? When did the ignorant assholes stop feeling like their opinions were unwelcome unless they stopped being assholes? Why can't people understand and believe the truth of it all; that not everyone is going to give a shit about your opinion, and furthermore, most don't care. I get that everyone wants to feel loved and most people want to be liked, but when did the reality of "Not everybody gives a damn." go out the window? Why are we raising fucking narcissists? What kind of society does that? I mean, seriously, what the fuck?