The Modern Pinocchio

My dog General Sherman is in training for the 2024 Paris Olympics. He is very fast off the mark in a sprint and is a terrific leaper, so hurdles are no problem, although he is too lazy for the longer distances. He has decided to run as a woman, not because he believes he would have a better chance for gold, but because the bikini shorts they wear fit him better than the tighter, longer men’s shorts that leave no room for his tail.

I explained to him that he will have to undergo hormone therapy to run as a woman, but he said that will be fine. “They have already cut off my nuts,” he chimed, “nothing else they do to me can hurt so much.”

It is a good point. It is no lie to say he has a chance to win by a nose, although for the life of me I can’t understand why he chooses to identify as human in the first place.

Puppets and dogs just don’t know when they have it good.